independenteditorial: BATHROOMS

 

Did you know that there is a EGP 10 million spending cap for presidential campaigns in Egypt? Now consider that there are 27 governorates spread out over Egypt, all needing to be reached with pamphlets, billboards and all the sort. 10 million doesn’t seem like it would cover it. Whats a ‘poor’ Egyptian presidential candidate to do?  To all those who say that the ‘real world’ is nothing like the world in AUC, it seems like Abu Ismail has taken a leaf out of the SU’s campaigning handbook and used some of our very own AUC tips for campaigning on a budget.

First of all, why pay for help when you can get your overly-enthusiastic friends to campaign for you? They obviously have valid reasons to vote for you, so why not let them persuade a (sometimes)  willing audience? Use your friends. Make sure they mention how they’ve known you since you were just a tiny candidate, and how they would trust you with their pet fish’s life. This will reassure the voters that you are trustworthy and responsible, even if it’s only true for a pet fish.

Secondly, use Facebook. Everyone loves being tagged in notes. The notification makes them feel like they might be of some importance. Don’t feel like you need to write the note in grammatically coherent English though, the run-on sentences give it an authentic activist feel. Tag everyone you know including your neighbors’ five year old son. Everyone needs to know you are running.

Independent tip: Use many exclamation marks in awkward! places!! voters need to understand! just how excited you are.

Lastly, what we consider to be the holy grail of campaign techniques: bathroom mugshots. There are two reasons why these work so well. First of all is their location. The prime place for bathroom mugshots are the inside of stall doors. Think about it, your voters will be spending some time in there with nothing to do. They will see your poster. The other reason they are a huge success would be the mugshot component. You need to make this picture memorable; your voters won’t just remember any smiling face (unless your name happens to be Hazem Abu Ismail, then you’re all set). Consider a picture of yourself looking into the distance while doing something, it doesn’t really matter what, but just look ridiculously happy while doing it. Plaster word art on your poster, using  words such as ‘promise’, ‘dedicated’, ‘hardworking’ over your face. Don’t worry if it’s not true.

Jokes aside, campaigning is an important and necessary part of elections, but propaganda is not. Just like many have complained that we’re getting campaigning wrong in Egypt, campaigning at AUC has moved from efficient to annoying, when it honestly does not have to be.

Voters, take the time to research the candidates and make an informed vote because whoever wins will have a direct impact on your life for the next year. Candidates, be fair and ethical (and less pushy). The Independent wishes all the SU presidential candidates luck in the upcoming elections.

 

The unsigned editorials are the opinion of the editorial board and donot necessarily reflect the opinions of individual student writers or staff,advisers or the university administration