Letter to the editor: Requesting a guide for dummies

Monday, May 7th, 2012

As the semester comes to an end let me first say thank you for keeping me informed of my surroundings; especially during those times when I am (ashamedly) too lazy to dig through pages of Al Ahram newspapers, or too much in a rush to watch a one-hour CNN story coverage.

I particularly enjoyed last week's issue, which covered a one-on-one interview with the candidates for SU president. Still, how I so wish you could do the same for the upcoming presidential elections. I certainly do not mean a one-on-one talk with them; that would be asking for a tad too much (right?). But being among many who still cannot differentiate between the vision of each candidate for presidency, and who have to resort to judging by the length of the beard, I need help. I need to know not just which candidate stands where, but what the AUC community thinks of each candidate. Because as far as I am concerned, each candidate says more or less the same thing on television; i.e. "I want to save Egypt."

Now a simple math major like myself would take this as a good sign, but any politician, economist or sociologist can straight away detect which part of that sentence was a lie.

"When he says he wants to save Egypt, he really means he wants to turn us into ninjas. Didn't you get that?" a friend asks.

No. All I got was, he wants to save Egypt. Now I want someone to save me and all the other politically ignorant voters in AUC and explain to us the real candidates.  So I ask The Caravan, to provide us with the viewpoints of AUC students and professors. These viewpoints matter to me because, believe it or not, they are not the viewpoints of spoilt rich kids, but of the educated class; the only class I trust.

Another small request. (I can already hear that "excuse me?" coming from editors.) But while I'm at it, it would be very informative if we had someone keeping track of each candidate. Who has gone out, then came back in then gone out again. Who has given all his votes to whom. Whom is doing what to try and win more votes. Who smokes what.

Again, I realize that The Caravan should not have to bear the responsibility of catering to the needs of lazy people like myself who need a quick guide for dummies. But still, this is what makes The Caravan so great; it does that anyway. So I thank you for being our "guide for dummies," but maybe you could guide us one last time?  Yes, I can see myself out.